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Building executive presence for women in tech, without becoming someone you’re not
- Vicky Pike
- Nov 9
- 5 min read
In my coaching with women in tech, I see how executive presence often gets mistaken for performance but real presence begins when we lead from who we are. Before every great act of leadership, there’s a moment of remembering who you are, what you stand for, and why your voice matters. That’s where true presence begins.
A truth we rarely say aloud
Women in tech don’t struggle with leadership. We struggle for being recognised for the leadership we already do.
Performance bias: a fact, backed by data means women don’t so easily get recognised for their achievements. The challenge isn’t capability, it’s visibility. And when recognition systems are wired to reward a narrow type of presence, women start to question their own.
And, women in tech lead in many ways.
Some lead with calm, reflective authority. Some lead with bold clarity and high energy. Some influence quietly and strategically behind the scenes. Others energise rooms, challenge thinking, and speak powerfully.
There is no single “right” style and you don’t need to trade yours in.
What we do see, however, is many women feeling pressure to:
adapt their tone to the room
soften or self-edit to avoid judgement
over-prepare to feel legitimate
work harder instead of claiming space differently
Leadership presence isn’t about blending in it’s about owning your way of leading, finding your secret sauce, and cooking with it.
Presence is not personality. Presence is self-trust, clarity, and intention.
So executive presence for women isn’t about “fixing confidence.” It’s about aligning identity with authority and claiming space without performing for it.
Why high-performing Women in Tech underestimate their leadership presence
I worked with one client who after a particularly discouraging meeting booked an “in-the-moment” coaching session.
In this session she told me, “I stumbled in the meeting. I didn’t have the answer fast enough.” She went on to say, a colleague had given her feedback stating, “You do not have the gravitas and credibility.”
My client arrived at the session fixated on these two things. During our micro-coaching session, however, she decided she would seek feedback from others who were also at the same meeting and she was stunned at what she heard:
“Your calmness steadied the room.”
“Your strategic questions reframed the direction”
“I had faith you knew what you were talking about and were honest about the things you did not know about. I 100% believe you can and will find the answers.”
The broader view re-framed the meeting for my client and she realised her leadership had landed. The breakthrough wasn’t confidence it was narrative. She realised she could choose her story, not inherit someone else’s.”
And that is where executive and leadership presence starts. It’s in who you believe yourself to be inside the room and when you leave the room.
A different kind of executive presence for women
I worked with a Senior Engineering manager who wanted to have more impact. Our discussions revealed she was locked in a cycle of consensus building and subsequent realignment meetings. She observed how she would consciously soften her statements and wait until the end of the discussion to share her opinion.
Through coaching, she came to realise the self she was at work was very different to the self she was at home. In her home life, she was a leader in multiple settings, she didn’t hold back, she didn’t consciously soften her voice, she didn’t second guess when to contribute her opinion. It was a revelation which led her to look at what small things she could try to shift her home persona into the workplace. As she started to do this, she felt more authentic, and others felt this too. She chose to own her space, embrace her right to have an opinion, and to have it be heard. She started stating her perspective early, asking others for theirs with intention, and responding by setting a path forward clearly.
The change was transformative. People galvanised behind her. The dreaded alignment meetings reduced. When we reflected on the change she had substantiated, she recognised all she needed to change was self-permission.
Executive presence isn’t performance. It’s energy. That energy begins with self-trust the quiet knowing that you belong in the room before you even speak.
What these two stories demonstrate is internal alignment that radiates outward. Authentic leadership is grounded conviction, not urgency. It is a way to ask questions that change the room, not dominate or fill space.
Authority comes from knowing who you are and being truthful to it. In the picture I am not smiling for approval. Smiling to be liked. I am being me.
How Women in Tech can build executive presence without changing who they are
Finding and honouring your authentic style is not always easy but here are some tips you can experiment with yourself:
Speak from conviction, not explanation
Replace: “I think we should… maybe…” with “My recommendation is…”
It signals clarity.
Lead with outcome, not analysis
Try this structure:
Here’s the decision.
Here’s the rationale.
Here’s the impact.
Strategic leaders don’t drown the room in detail they frame it.
Use stillness as a leadership tool
Before responding, pause deliberately. Elite leaders don’t rush they ground.
Pre-socialise strategically
Influence often happens before the meeting in the quiet conversations where trust is built.
Build narrative mastery
Ask yourself after each meeting:
What did I contribute?
What landed?
What did I learn?
What story do I choose?
Success is rarely about doing more, it’s about seeing yourself clearly. Take your learnings forward.
Women often think they need to prove their capability. At some point, there is a powerful turning point to stop proving and start owning.
Executive presence grows the moment you decide: I don’t need to perform power. I already am powerful.
Your role is not to “fit the room.” It’s to hold your ground inside it.
Every woman I coach eventually finds the same truth: the moment you stop managing perception, your real presence begins.
If you’re ready to lead with clarity, confidence, and authority
You don’t need to push harder or become louder. You need space to reconnect with the leader you already are...and step into the next version of her.
I offer a free 45-minute Coaching Experience Call, where you’ll get real coaching not a sales conversation. We'll explore where you want to be and what is in the gap between there and where you are now.
You’ll leave with insight, clarity, and grounded direction whether we work together or not.
Because the most powerful leaders aren’t performing presence they’re living it from the inside out.
